In recent weeks I have come to see how fear works against compassion. Compassion requires that we open ourselves to the suffering around us, even if it reminds us of our own vulnerability. A wise friend of mine once said that severe suffering can bring us to what Ignatius called the third degree of humility, a state of deep identification with the suffering of Christ. “We are given that kind of grace,” she said, “only when we need it.” So, we must not live in fear that we won’t be able to cope or endure when it is our turn. No one knows which road they will have to walk and no parent wants to walk a road that includes the loss of a child, but I hear the voice of Christ saying to me loudly and clearly, “be not afraid.” As best as I am able, I will try to walk with my sister and brother-in-law in a spirit of compassionate love that has no room for fear
I was reading “Not a Fan” by Kyle Idlemanand this section on passionately pursuing Jesus really stood out to me. I want this in my own life, but rarely have it. I am just going to type out the sections.
I have this phobia. I’m really afraid to just brush him aside and forget him. So I saves his photo as my IPhone lock screen. Everyone my phone locks, I’d see his smiling beautiful face.
I pray that I won’t go through everyday just neglecting about Jesus & Kenneth. I have this high tenancy
I have died everyday waiting for you. Time has brought your heart to me. I have loved you for a thousand years, a thousand more.
What do I do if someone else comes along while you are away? You come back searching for me. I couldn’t recognise you at all. You reminded me of our friendship we felt about each other and was mutual. I realised, I have moved on.
what do I do then?
would you still seek to pursueme?
I can’t get that image out of my mind. The image of you wearing your hairband with your side cuts new ”homeboy” hairstyle. I just can’t seem to get it out of my mind. You putting your both hands into your shorts, standing at your car. It was 11pm. * i think * You finally asked me how I felt. I was so taken aback.
”You are not being yourself, be honest with me , you can share how you feel and think with me, I said I’ll be your listening ear when you’re upset. You have been acting strangely recently. You are not being yourself, you are never like that. Something’s wrong, what’s it? We are friends, and we will continue to be good friends.please stop being like this. Whatever it is, I’ll still be your listening ear. You’re a nice girl Jonella, but I’m leaving for sydney.”
I felt rather happy when I was being very distant from you. I’m too afraid. I don’t want to prove anyone right. I just rather to brush it aside and pretend you didn’t ask.
Sucha loser, I know.
I don’t trust you. I need my time. I have issues to face, some perhaps a lifetime of healing. I pushed you aside because I have been doing everything by myself. hah. too self reliant.I learnt and taught myself that if anyone wanted to be my good friend, be a listening ear. Just to protect myself… I don’t know how to accept it when someone wants to be there for me, for better or worst. I don’t know what else to say to you. Goodnight.
Last night was NYE. I felt very down… I was just thinking about my year. I feel upset. The catch uup made me realized how transformed he has became. It was the hardest to accept. He knew that I didn’t trust him. yet he still persisted to gain my trust. And, I was happy. I don’t know what can happen when he flies. I have started to miss him. I guess after the time when we catch up. How can I miss him?! How can this be possible. We weren’t very close. From that very moment onwards, I knew that our lives changed. God came in our lives, took the centre of it. We both have gotton our paths straight. We have found ourselves.
The heartsharings. I saw what God gonna do with him. I am extremely excited! It seems as though perhaps, his calling would be a Missionary. But I’m not psychic, that’s only for him to discover.
I know, I am and will be the good catholic girl every guy wishes to have. So many have affirmed that of me. The life I used to have, I used to be, the impossible transformation I went through. The grieves I had to go through, myself. It doesn’t matter.
I still am trying to be brave. How can I love when I’m afraid. Watch me stand up alone. Late 2011, I made a lot of sacrifices. Forever I am sacrificing. I chose it myself. I too chose to be alone. I wanted the card back only because I never felt so free , to be myself in the longest time. You knew how I was in my horrid past. The past I chose to erase from my memory. Whatever you said to me… Everything. Believe me when I say, God really wanted me to hear all those.
You taught me how to be proud of who we are. Not to be afraid of who I am. You are right, each time you ask if I was alright? I was not alright. I’m just trying to be brave and suck it all in .
To protect my heart. I did something very selfish. I soon made sure that I would stay away from you. I want happy memories of me, wherever I may be. I don’t think I am strong enough to take it. When one day God says, this is my will for you. For the both of you.
<There’s always the what ifs?> What if , the reason why we met up again after 5 years is only because we have been looking for our good catholic girl/guy.
If you wanted to know about my recent ex. Yes, he’s pursuing seminary this year… Real reason why we broke up? If we pursued us, we planned to get married in 3 years time. He wants to pursue the Call of God. And he believes that I would meet someone. I never felt so abandoned. I gave up on relationships, I gave up on genuine love. I’m glad God taught me how it is to love.
Here I am now. I’m healing, I’m still bruised in a certain way. Don’t judge me if I become insecure, sad. It’s just that I need a tight hug to feel alright.
I am glad to see you as you are right now. I am too amazed that you surrendered, felt remorseful. And God just came and clean you off your sins. He just transformed you into the Man , you are created to be 🙂 I will miss you when you are away. I’m already missing you now. Perhaps, that was an excuse I used to brush you away… I’m sorry.
i feel so loved when I’m with you. Thank you Kenneth.
END GOAL : to provide avenues such as events, programs, outreaches for them to discover their potential hidden deep within, develop their giftings, using them all for the Community. In all, to build one another up in our Characters to be rooted in Christ, love for God ; ourselves; others. To be One