Home is where your heart is set in stone

That perfect moment when we all held hands to pray for the participants. We just clung onto each other hands. As if there was no one else but us… That was the moment we finally, allowed our Hearts to lead us. It was the first time. I knew I want to be there with you every step of your way, wherever you may be. Let our hands clung onto each other.

They say home is where your heart is set in stone

 

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If I lay here, If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world

Love aint a thing Love is…

Love aint a thing
Love is a verb

Wesson , Joshiey, Gerard :)

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Baby Wesson,

Wesson was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia on Monday, November 13th.  He was immediately flown to Sanford Children’s Hospital in Sioux Falls where he underwent two rounds of chemotherapy. His cancer did not respond to treatment and we were referred to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, TN. Wesson has been taken to a mismatched haploidentical stem cell transplant. It is a high risk aggressive form of transplant, but one of the few options left in order to rid him of his cancer.

 

It really reminds me of Joshiey, Koala. 

It must have been so difficult for him to accept them, filled with immerse anger and hatred for God. ‘Why me Lord, why me’. Why now. What did I do to deserve such a tragic condition. I can totally visualise Joshiey, just walking around with the chemo machine, with a mask on. Feeling so upset, with no one to turn to. The few friends he has, kept comforting him but that was not enough. There might not be someone who was able to hear his pain. Looking at himself in the mirror, seeing the shape, colour, hair that he has slowly decreasing. How upset and angry he must have felt. As I am typing this reflection, putting myself in his shoes. I may never be able to understand and grasp what he has endured. But truly, this man is my HERO. I am so grateful to God for giving him a second chance with life, to pull through the ordeals. He could have died, his body could have rejected the transplant and died of a relapse like Nicholas. But he didn’t… How much Grace has God been bestowing onto him. It is tremendous.

Though I will miss him when he fly in Feb 2013, and will be back 4 years later when we are 27 years old.

Truly, this is the time which God has chose to bring us closer together as friends. For now, I have been cherishing each moment we spend our time together. It has been an extremely blissful ride. Till then, I can’t wait for Jesus to show me his plans for our friendship!

Hind-side, Gerard is gonna get his answer from the Rector Formation Priests about his acceptance into Seminary either end of this year or early next year. It is August in 2 days time. I am a little apprehensive, and afraid. It’s a great sacrifice that we both have chosen for the good of each other. It’s an experience I will never be able to forget, and always will be a part of my memory. I thank him sincerely for loving me, choosing to let me go earlier so I wouldn’t grow deeper in pain. It always kill him to think about the choice he has made, for us, for his future and family too. Nevertheless, when I do have my fiance someday, and my babies. I will tell them these 2 great Man’s in my life. How they have impacted and changed my life. They have helped me to become a better woman, a more loving and wifey material. 

 

Thank you Jesus!

emotional wreakk

I don’t like this feeling. It feels horrible, it just feels so sour. I don’t know what should I say. It feels so indiffierent. I could not sleep. It just continued to disturb me, I knew I was affected by it… I thought about it 

 

When I do share with you, it feels so natural. The hugs you give me, keeps me feeling safe, which I never felt for a really long time. I knew that God has found ways to bring us together , this time closer 🙂

 

I may have casually mentioned, theres a fear when you become unsure of how you are feeling towards your friend. Fearing that what is felt wouldn’t be mutual, fearing to ruin a friendship. Its too precious to lose this. You both have became so close, sharing the deepest abyss of your heart. Opened yourself up to each other, knowing that you would be there for each other. When all of a sudden, emotions/ feelings just start to creep in. 

 

I have a lot thats on my mind, I just want to get out of this emotional wreak I am in. How the hell did this happen? I want to protect myself. I want to. Never thought that this would hit me so quickly. 

WE (CHOSE) TO CELEBRATE LIFE TOGETHER

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I stumbled upon today’s WORD AMOUNG US reading, 12 July Thursday 2012

It speaks greatly reminding us of the Father’s love. I remembered about WE CHOSE TO CELEBRATE LIFE TOGETHER

I realised that I need not worry about the outcome of our friendship nor to fret much about it. Because GOD IS ABLE. Everything is going according to what he has planned.

Of course as the time of us spending together each week accumulates. It does scare me, WHAT IF. WHAT IF THIS. WHAT IF THAT. Beneath my breath, there’s an underlying fear. What if our friendship just stops here? What if he does not want to meet with me again? What if he just had enough of me? What if he will never ever see me in that light? WHAT IFs. 

I don’t know how much can I speak to him openly about. I don’t know would our friendship go? Everything feels so surreal.I will be seeing him tomorrow for Friday Growth. I guess , I don’t know what I should or should not say. I feel as though I just would want to walk away for a little while. Exiting of this current happenings, and what is about to happen. 

Tuesday, he volunteered to come down to spend some time helping me out with my CV , Portfolio for my Stage Managing Interview. Which I have postponed. Knowing that it was quite far to Tampines, he came all the way and spent the time helping me out. Claiming that it is for ME! that he came. Ah okay. My portfolio was looking pretty! And I managed to get it out on time! Yet, without asking he still came on his own accord. I am grateful

 

I choose to CELEBRATE LIFE TOGETHER WITH YOU

6 years of friendship~

Recently I learnt what it meant when we say this solemn vow to our spouse at Holy Martrimony. ”I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”

We have always been confirmation friends, though he was an extreme introvert. Joshua never really have spoken to me then and we were at about 14 – 15 years of age. I noticed him as he was playing keyboard for our youth music ministry. 

This June Awaken, I had the urge to look for this particular Joshua , no matter what it took I just had to find him! And that was 2-3 weeks before Awaken. Day 1 of Awaken, he came to my station for Pictionary , he had a 1 on 1 contact with me and perhaps there was too many participants, I did not recognise him at all.

Day 2 night, I stopped him at the door and looked at his name tag. Strangely, he stopped too 🙂 I then said, Hey! You look familiar. and he said HI JONELLA! *goodness!!!!!!!! most bimbo embrassing moment JO!!! * It turned out that he recognised me since Day 1 of games. -.-

His faciliators are my best friends and we have journeyed together in Intercessory. They shared with me that he said he had leukemia. Which of course I never knew! So I felt the urge to write notes to him…. Hence, I did! And slowly Joshua stopped me and shared the most emotional tragic crazy event which he had gone through… True enough, they were right. My heart just sank right down when I heard it. What went through my mind was ‘Why wasn’t I there for him when he needed someone’ ?!

I continue to pray for him, fast for him and whatever worship I gave to Jesus, it was a sacrifice for Joshua’s breakthrough. I was desperate for Jesus’s touch!

Day 3, I continued writing him letters and DAY 4! OUTPOURING!!!! 🙂 He has finally rested in the Spirit. I felt a breakthrough had happened! not because he rested but because Jesus is with him!!!! 😀

I pushed through the crowd, and immedinately he jumped at me and grabbed me tightly refusing to let me go. It was the tightest hug I have never expereienced. but it was GOOODDDD. It turned out that he said he had a breakthrough and he was LIBERATED!!! 

All these while for 2 years, he was under such pain , tormoil, depression, lonliness. No one was there for him besides his Amry mates, close friends and family. He has never spoken to anyone about what he has just gone through and deep inside he was searching for someone to share that part of him ~ with.

And I realised that Jesus had placed me back into Joshua’s life to be there with him ”I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.”. Yes, It has dawn on me of what the VOW mean’t. 

I have been feeling extremely peaceful, happy, crazy ever since Awaken has happened. Thank you Jesus for putting second chances. I have been crazily excited with you each day since 18 June 2012.

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Till then, it sounds so cliche.  I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. To be there with you when you need someone, to pray with you to journey with you, to walk through all kinds of sufferings and hardships to be with you each step of your way. Through all the pain and sufferings you may go through. May I shed the light of Jesus onto your life and be an inspiration and encouragement for you to push on!

I am glad to have met you 6 years ago when we were 14 years old in OLPS 🙂 Thank you for reconciling our friendship, to pick up where we left off and go deeper. To even wanting to pursue our friendship 🙂


Awaken June 2012 Day 2

The greatest happiness you can have is to have your parents blessings on what you choose to do.

Compare you with your siblings, cousins etc. the moment they make comparison , they love someone else more than you.

Never have Favourites, in leadership you cannot afford to show favouritism.

WE ARE DIFFERENT

We love those who can bring us rewards, It has to do with selfishness.

GRATITUDE, fights off ENVY 

ENVY is conquered by Contentment 

Anger : Against authorities , psychological & emotional

Those who are in authority , have the power to EMPOWER others

Vindictive anger : anger that’s has been in for years, passing emotion.

You must be consistent in discipline

Opposite of anger is indifferent